The Missing Curriculum: Why We Fail at Relationships

Isn't it astonishing that we spend years in school learning various subjects, yet receive little to no education on one of the most crucial aspects of our lives—relationships? We are left to figure out love and intimacy through trial and error, often at the expense of our well-being and happiness. Imagine how different our lives could be if we were taught the skills needed for healthy, fulfilling partnerships from a young age.

When we lack the tools to manage our emotions and navigate relationships, we inadvertently repeat the same mistakes, leading to ongoing pain and confusion. It's not just about finding the right partner; it's about being the right partner. Emotional intelligence and relational skills aren't innate—they're learned. And if we don't learn them, we suffer the consequences. Reflect on your own experiences: how many conflicts or heartbreaks could have been avoided with better understanding and skills?

Take Jane's story as an example. Growing up in a household where emotional expression was discouraged, she entered adulthood ill-equipped to handle the intricacies of intimate relationships. Jane's marriage suffered as she and her partner struggled to communicate effectively and understand each other's emotional needs. Their conflicts were frequent, and resolution seemed out of reach. Jane's experience underscores a common issue: we are not taught how to build and maintain healthy relationships.

While it’s true that these skills should ideally be taught at home, if our parents weren’t taught, how can they teach us? Skills need to be taught, modelled, and practiced. This is where our educational systems can step in to bridge the gap. By making relationship skills a priority in our curricula, we can equip future generations with the tools they need for successful partnerships.

The key to breaking these harmful cycles lies in education. Just as we learn math and science, we must also learn how to understand ourselves, emotionally and behaviourally regulate, communicate effectively, empathise, and resolve conflicts in our relationships. These skills are not luxuries; they are necessities for thriving partnerships. Let's advocate for a shift in our educational priorities to include relational skills, so future generations can build stronger, more resilient relationships. The time to start is now—because love, like any other important area of life, requires knowledge and practice.